Confessions of a Drama Queer

^{currently playing: "rolling in the deep" by adele}

I was deeply moved after watching Chris Martinez's "100" inspirational movie (starred by my favorite Filipino actors Mylene Dizon, Eugene Domingo and Tessie Tomas).
So I came up with my own version of 100.

Instead of counting the days before I die I am doing a countdown until I completely get-over Gene.
It actually started last week and today's the 8th,
and I'll keep you posted on a weekly basis.

So here's how my days so far:

Day 1

GET DRUNK...
like the first time.

Nhemz called up 3 hours before my shift ended.
Whenever he calls,
it means only one thing-
DRINKING SPREE.

So I hustled to his place at exactly 10AM and conditioned myself like the nervous 16-year-old me 9 years ago (wink* wink*).
It was an almost-complete casting in Nhemz's version of "The Hang Over" movie:
Paul the Emotional
Gerald the Charmer
John Paul the Kid
Franzis the Drunkard
Nhemz the Alcoholic
Rea the Unsinkable
a special guest appearance of Princess the Dutchess

There was food.
Lots of drinks.
A magic ball.
And music.

When we're down to the last bottle the sound of music went high.
We were all high everyone was dancing like crazy.
It was all crazy I passed out dancing to the tune of Keisha's "Tik Tok".

Day 2

EAT, EAT, EAT...
eat everything you want, eat all you can eat.

Day 3

SLEEP ALL DAY
Please no more dreaming about Sunlight.

Day 4

COOK FOR THE QUEENS AND THE QUEERS
Thou shall not serve the King

Day 5

ONE SWEET DAY
chocolates, candies, cakes, pastries, jellies, gummies...

Day 6

PLAN
ahead, and something wicked

Day 7

VOW OF SILENCE
hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again

Day 8

DANCE
like nobody's watching

Day 9

GET A TATTOO
mark of a goddess

Day 10

BURN
everything that reminds me of Sunlgiht

~ja

^{[currently playing: "the first night" by monica]}

Tomorrow marks my 5th year here in the office.
I've worked for the first 2 years as a struggling undercover agent.
Became an elite spy on the 3rd year.
Was promoted as an elite spy specialist after 4 years.
Now I'm a double undercover handler/specialist with a 5 star badge.
Whatever.

I just realized that I've been working so hard.
For the past 5 years.
Without any savings.

I just realized that I have fell in and out of love many times.
For the past 5 years.
Without a heart.

I just realized that I have been sleeping with a lot of men.
For the past 5 years.
Without getting pregnant.

I just realized that I have been to many places.
For the past 5 years.
Without any sense of direction.

I just realized that I have been wasted all the time.
For the past 5 years.
Without drinking.

I need to buy me a good bottle of alcohol tomorrow.
Happy 5th year anniversary, biatch!
Thanks for the hardwork and dedication.

~ja

^{[currently playing: "tainted love" by pu3ska]}

I'm taking our game to the next level.

This time,

I should win his game.

I must study his ways harder.

I must learn how to play his tricks.

Hmmm...

He's born October 11, 1979.

Here we go:

~ja

^{[currently playing: "rumors" by lindsay lohan]}

About 3 weeks ago,
I received a summon from Lady The Great.
She asked me again if I want the show back this time.

I have been thinking over the past year.
Hmmm...

Why not?

~ja

^{[currently playing: "who am i?" by lily frost]}

People think I'm crazy.

Well,

I think...

I'm crazier.

Ugh!

How I hate mugshots!

~ja

^{[currently playing: "the hurt" by side a]}

This was from last week's episode:

Riva,
the good fairy from the East has lately become my favorite confidante slash psychiatrist slash guidance counselor as I let PFF Rea took a rest from all my melo-love-dramas.
Madam Riva has to write me this letter when I asked her "why the hell I'm hurting so much everytime I see Gene?"

.

.

.

.

.

Dear Hurting,

Google doesn’t have a straight answer to your question. I don’t think anyone does but allow me to share my thoughts…I think the pain is stemming from the fact that you are suppressing your feelings. A huge part of you wants to rejoice at the sight of him but there is that part telling you to stop…There is, obviously, a tug of war going on. I believe that is a healthy chaos because it means that you’re resolve to quit him is in motion but you can’t live with that for so long, darling, because it will only consume you and life is too beautiful to be in that chaos, no matter how healthy it is.

You need to decide NOW which end of the tug of war wins. Your happiness and well-being depends on your decision. Can’t make the decision for you but I hope you choose well.

Make it a great day!

The Riva

.

.

.

.

.

Viva Riva Diva!

~ja

^{[currently playing: "pure shores" by all saints]}

I'm finally back to B last weekend...

^{photo by http://theartfularcher.blogspot.com}

^{[currently playing: "you're inlove" by wilson phillips]}

This is it!
I'm giving up the game.
I don't want to play anymore.
I'm losing hope.
I'm losing the will.
Because I know I'll be on the losing end no matter how.
No matter what.

Move on with my life?
No.
I don't want to move on.
I just want to die together with my dreams.
Breakdown into pieces.
Fade away.

Of course!
I'm just exaggerating.
Life goes on.
This Friday!

~ja

^{[currently playing: "milk" by garbage]}

The original call time was 2 o'clock as set by Mr. Next Best Thing.
The Artful Archer protested that it's too early for an ideal 9 o'clock beach party.
So everyone agreed to meet at five.
I was 2 hours early since I had to meet up The New Lei at the office for some confidential matters.
The New Lei and I had a late lunch at the Mooon Cafe while downloading the remaining songs for my latest soundtrack.
Mr. Next Best Thing was already in the office completing his monitoring tasks.
Lady Lei (not related to The New Lei) was supposed to join us at the event but did last minute cancellation to Mr. Next Best Thing's dismay.
I have to assure him that the night's gonna be fun.

I went down to smoke at the coffee shop downstairs and shared table with The Gemini-
my former mentor/KGB director.
He was urging me to step up as a handler since they saw a potential in me.
I casually turned down the offer (for the nth time) but displayed interest upon hearing all the good things that he had to say about me.

Later on,
The Artful Archer arrived a few minutes after Rea.
Then we drove off to the other island where the event was held.
We bought our booze at a park n' shop and The Artful Archer had his first crime of the day-
stealing 2 plastic cups.
We arrived at the venue at around 7 in the evening.
There was too much traffic and full-packed parking lots.
We were lucky to get a spot near the main entrance of the resort and started the session.
We were able to consume a bottle and a half of rum and got lost in the beach-party crowd.
I've had too much drink enough to awaken the Sleeping Beauty in me-
I fell asleep during retouch.
We headed back to the party and I fin'lly realized that I no longer belong to this kind of crowd.
Or maybe I was just too emotional and drunk.

We went home around 3am and there I was walking in the dark alleys of Camp Boot Haul.
A guy tried to start a conversation but I was too tired and drunk to talk.
I just realized that he was following me.
I stopped by under a lamp post so I can walk behind him.
He attempted to talk to me again and I just nodded at him.
I started to get nervous.
But vigilant.
He stopped in a dark corner and positioned to take a piss.
That's the time that I took double-steps 'til I passed on the bridge.
I was already pulling the keys from my bag while holding the bottleneck of the liquor on the other hand.
I had to unlock my doors twice and just right after I trunked the first door the guy was already standing behind the screen,
"are you alone, girl?"

"I.
Am.
Not.
A.
Girl!"

Then I slammed the door and started talking to myself pretending like I have a company inside the house.
I turned off the lights and saw his shadow behind the jealousies.
I texted everyone under the bed just incase.
And I fell asleep under a horrific situation.
I'm gonna tell Gene to get me a new place.
A car.
And a bodyguard.

Read The Artful Archer's normal version:
http://theartfularcher.blogspot.com/2011/05/gte-mso-9-normal-0-false-false-false-en.html

~ja

^{[currently playing: "no air" by glee cast]}

I guess I'm not really good with relationships.
Well,
most of my relationships were long-terms.
Let me do the queer lover's math:

Number 1
I've been with my first love for 8 years.
On-and-off though.
But we've been friends in between gaps.
The set-up could have changed over the time but all the energies and efforts and emotions and all the "Es" were recklessly spent.
So I'm counting everything.
He got someone pregnant on the 9th year of our friends/lovers relationship.
The three of us lived under the same roof while waiting for their first child to see the world.
We separated on the 10th year and remained as friends.
Then became sometime friends-lovers for 7 years.
That's equals to 15 years.
And counting.

Number 2 to 3
The second and the third boyfriends were both short-lived.
Second boyfriend only lasted for 9 months.
And the third one was for 9 weeks.
I had vivid memories about them though.

Number 4
The fourth one was for a remarkable 2 years.
I dated someone on our 2nd year (see Number 5) when he got into a scandalous one-night stand with someone.
He got married on our 3rd year.
I was their wedding planner.
I was the mistress on the making on our 4th year while I'm seeing someone new (Number 6).
I went to the Queen City of the South (here).
End of story with number 4.

Number 5
My relationship with my fifth boyfriend was completely accidental.
We did this "thing" in a party right before I got into a relationship with Number 4.
One year later,
we got into a relationship.
It was a wonderful love-hate partnership since he was very open about our relationship.
To our friends.
To his parents.
To my family.
To everyone.
It only lasted for 4 years.
And a year of reconsidering.
This time,
I'm taking all the blame.
I'm (always) open about him having a straight relationship.
But it was supposed to be under my conditions (as always)-
The girl should be prettier than me.
More intelligent.
Richer.
Fairer.
Nicer.
In short-
he can't have any other relationships.

Our relationship went on a see saw during our 3rd year.
That was after his mother died.
When he was dating a couple of disqualified girls in and out of our school.
Then I met Number 6.

We both tried to save what's left to us.
And we survived another year.
But this time we're both playing around.
There was no formal breakup.
Just a simple "cool off".
Until I got the job here.
We've tried to reconcile.
But it did not work well.
No formal breakup (again).
Until our lives drifted apart.

Number 6
I was really confident losing Number 5 because of Number 6.
Although Number 6 and I did not really have an official relationship but the goddess's law took it for consideration.
What we've had was more than of a relationship.
It's an affair in a relationship.
However he followed his dreams while I was lost in mine here.
We decided to stay as friends.
And besides,
it's going to be a long-distance relationship and I don't trust love from a distance.

Next week he'll be here.
I'll check with him then what number I am.

DISCLAIMER: The above list only contains the people that I've had "formal/official" relationships with. I do apologize if I forgot to mention someone somewhere. I will make sure to conduct further research of my past(s).

~ja

^{[currently playing: "miss independent" by ne-yo]}

Who needs a long-term rocky relationship when you can just have a wonderful short-lived affair?

When you're only having an affair you'll always have to save the best for last.
To last.
At last.

But you don't really have to save a relationship.

When you're only having an affair with someone then you still have time to work.
Or if he's rich enough then there's no need for you to work.
You may need to work out to stay fit.

But you don't really have to make the relationship work.

I'm just thinking.

~ja

^{[currently playing: "naughty girl" by beyonce]}

Blue Bayou.

Okay.
You've guessed it right.
I'm wearing my dark blue pullovers.
And I guess it's kinda working.
Or maybe I just have a hang-over.

Hang-over Friday.

The EPQs went out this morning to celebrate Rea's birthday.
We went to an old favorite 24-hour restobar called "Julia's Place".
The food was great so was the entire 4-hour celebration.
Everyone was almost tipsy at 2 o'clock in the afternoon except for Vincent who drank his rumcola like a girl.
Freidrich suggested to cool down at "Fudge"-
it's a fancy pastry shop in Mandaue where they served the best chocolava in the world.
I'm just plugging the day.

^{Fudge's ChocoLava at P95 plus 10% service charge per serving}

Game on.

So I went to work with a heavy head.
Wearing pullovers.
And a kept promise of "getting over" with someone.
And I was able to pull it off.
That's why I was saying that the "blue magic" works.
But I have to keep my promise that I won't go over the details about this someone anymore.
For now.

And for now,
I'm learning to play his game.

~ja

^{[currently playing: "crybaby" by mariah carey]}

Four days in a row I was wearing blue in the office.
I just realized I love blue colored shirts aside from green,
white and black.

I already wrote about this that you need to wear blue if you want to attract a Libra guy:

"Wear something in the colour blue to attract a Libra man.
The colour blue is the colour of communication and Libra men are expert communicators.
Wearing blue in clothing will catch the eye of a Libra man and they will be drawn to communicate with you."
^{-(source: http://www.alizons-psychic-secrets.com/libra-man.html)}

And guess what?
It did not work (I think)!
Well,
he would still do that second glances (I think it's the "catch the eye of a Libra man" part).
And he would still ask difficult work-related questions (or is this the "drawn to communicate" with you part?).
Overall,
he's still aloof.
Or maybe,
I'm aloof.
Arf!
Arf!

Now I think I have to decide the entire day on what to wear tonight since Nemesis asked me to report to duty approximately 14 hours from now.

Oh, I don't have enough blue clothes left in my closet.
And I don't wanna talk to him.
About him.
Anymore.
I don't wanna look at him.
Looking at me.

What to wear tonight?
Blue shirt?
Or blue pull overs?

~ja

^{[currently playing: "she don't wanna man" by asher roth]}

I would like to pay tribute to my fearless and ever willing "emotional victim" (yes, I'm a shameless emotional vampire).
The sexiest PFF (I swear our group name's quite corny: Pretty Friends Forever).
The mysterious VV gal (uhm... t'was the name of our band: VoulezVous).
The EPQs only "real" it girl (that's another group name, and it's work-related).
To the most wonderful listener (and most beautiful "consentidora") in the whole world,
with all my love and prayers...

"Happy Birthday Rea!"

As a birthday present,
I will never ever speak about Gene.
Today.

~ja

^{[currently playing: "breathe again" by toni braxton]}

Either the cat or the mouse finally got tired of the games they've played.
Who let the dogs out?

~ja